I look at myself in the mirror squeezing into very uncomfortable clothes again. Makes me want to puke…
I pull out the 1 pair of size 20 capri’s that I kept to show where I started my weight loss journey from. Only to pull them on and struggle to button them. Makes me want to puke….
I sit down in front of the television at night with a bowl of ice cream. Just because I “need” to treat myself. Makes me want to puke…. but I still eat it.
I hate the numbers I see on the scale. I hate telling YOU how I’ve gained it all back. Makes me wanna….. well,
Break the stupid mirror
Pull my hair out
Hide in humiliation
How did I get back here? I sit here with tears streaming down my face as I cry out to God, “Lord, why?? Why did you let me get back in this shape again?” Only to hear Him whispering “Why did you choose this path, Tammy?” I was there, so close to my goal. I blogged all about it and you all listened. You all offered your encouragement (which I treasure to this day). But why weren’t you there to rip that midnight snack out of my hands?? Because I locked you out. I stopped talking about it, I stopped blogging, I stopped doing anything about it. It was easier to be quiet about it as the pounds piled back on in humiliation. I stopped hearing “Wow! You look great! How much weight have you lost?” and started imagining your thought “Wow, she’s put all that weight back on.”
So here I am again. At another starting line. At another crossroads. I walked in a Diabetes challenge here in our county yesterday and it felt good. I walked for an hour. I sweated. I got uncomfortable. It felt amazing! I had energy all day yesterday and it’s addicting. I need to take steps, drastic ones, to get off my rear end and start truly taking care of this glorious body God gave me. I’m not talking about “stupid-drastic.” I’m not crash dieting, bingeing or going on a “tongue patch” diet or a “freeze your fat” diet – (those seriously exist)… I’m talking about eating right and exercising.
So I’m signing up for a 5K. I don’t know where but I know it needs to be soon. I’m using the Diabetes walk yesterday as my first day of training. Pray for me. Pray for my family. I plan to blog each week – it makes me accountable. Don’t let me go silent again. My commitment to you is that by next Sunday (hope to make that my regular blogging day) I will have narrowed down some 5K’s and be ready to sign up for one. I also plan to walk every day so if any of you are in New Castle and want to join me, let me know! Can’t walk with me but you want to share in this journey? Subscribe to this blog. I hope it helps encourage somebody, somewhere along the way. The Lord is walking me through this journey for a reason.