I’m back – it’s been a LONG and tedious road but I’m here. Two years ago, I began this weight loss journey and lost 50 pounds. Then about a year ago, I began fighting a mysterious illness (which no one ever figured out what the heck it was) with round after round of steroids and put back on over 40 pounds over the past 12 months. I’m better now and off of almost all the medicines. I’m tired of using that as an excuse for gaining back the weight. So, I’m back. I’ve got a lot of emotional junk on my plate right now so I’m not sure I can handle a focus on the two or three big issues in our lives along with focusing on weight loss and exercise BUT I’m going to try. That’s all I’m promising – I’m going to try.
I’ve got my two closest weight loss guru’s helping me – Terri and Kelly. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to even think about going down this long road again. I started again a few days ago – on Monday, January 21st, 2013 (taking deep breaths, tears in my eyes and ashamed) at 201.2 pounds. Two years ago, I started at 204.2 and promised I’d never get back into this position. Well, here I am. You’ve gotta start somewhere, right?
Anybody lose weight, put it back on and lose again to successfully keep it off? Please share any encouragment you might have to offer. I could use it right now.
I keep a journal of prayers / thoughts / rants / scriptures. I reluctantly share an entry from today’s journal:
“Lord, I’m miserable! I’ve gained back 1/2 of the 50 pounds I have lost. I am miserable – my back hurts AGAIN, my knees hurt AGAIN, I am not sleeping well AGAIN – I hate this! I am so ashamed that I don’t want my husband to touch me. I am ashamed that I cannot wear any of my clothes. I’m ashamed that I don’t even know what size I am because I can’t bring myself to put on anything without an elastic waist. I can’t even walk one lap at the stupid walking trail without tremendous effort and frustration. This sucks! I’ve been traking my food again very faithfully for the last month and working out more regularly and I’m constantly gaining – gained 4 stupid, stinking pounds in the past week. And don’t even try to tell me muscle weighs more than fat – I’m taking measurements, nothing is shrinking, anywhere. Crap – this is frustrating. I feel the grip of this addiction around my throat crushing me – crushing my self-esteem – crushing my will. I feel defeated. God, I cry out to you for help.”
After writing this in my journal, I opened my Bible and devotion book to read God’s answer to my silly ranting:
“Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD!” – Psalm 27:14
“God uses the discipline of waiting to teach us lessons we cannot learn any other way. Waiting can be especially difficult when it seems as if everything in our lives is stuck at a red light, but He may be preparing a person or a situation so that when we proceed again He can work even more powerfully. To us, waiting seems like a waste – or worse, it feels like things will never be right again. When we have to wait, we shouldn’t just sit and fritter away the time. We should pursue God with all our hearts, try to determine the reason God wants us to wait, and trust His goodness and timing because He is, after all, God.” -Excerpts from The One Year Daily Insights with Zig Ziglar and Dr. Ike Rieghard
So, I wait. I work out, I eat right and I wait……… and sometimes I cry.