Makes me want to puke…

I look at myself in the mirror squeezing into very uncomfortable clothes again.  Makes me want to puke…

I pull out the 1 pair of size 20 capri’s that I kept to show where I started my weight loss journey from.  Only to pull them on and struggle to button them.  Makes me want to puke….

I sit down in front of the television at night with a bowl of ice cream.  Just because I “need” to treat myself.  Makes me want to puke…. but I still eat it.

I hate the numbers I see on the scale.  I hate telling YOU how I’ve gained it all back.  Makes me wanna….. well,

PUKE

Break the stupid mirror

Pull my hair out

SCREAM

Hide in humiliation

How did I get back here?  I sit here with tears streaming down my face as I cry out to God, “Lord, why??  Why did you let me get back in this shape again?”  Only to hear Him whispering “Why did you choose this path, Tammy?”  I was there, so close to my goal.  I blogged all about it and you all listened.  You all offered your encouragement (which I treasure to this day).  But why weren’t you there to rip that midnight snack out of my hands??  Because I locked you out.  I stopped talking about it, I stopped blogging, I stopped doing anything about it.  It was easier to be quiet about it as the pounds piled back on in humiliation.  I stopped hearing “Wow!  You look great!  How much weight have you lost?” and started imagining your thought “Wow, she’s put all that weight back on.”

So here I am again.  At another starting line.  At another crossroads.  I walked in a Diabetes challenge here in our county yesterday and it felt good.  I walked for an hour.  I sweated.  I got uncomfortable.  It felt amazing!  I had energy all day yesterday and it’s addicting.  I need to take steps, drastic ones, to get off my rear end and start truly taking care of this glorious body God gave me.  I’m not talking about “stupid-drastic.”  I’m not crash dieting, bingeing or going on a “tongue patch” diet or a “freeze your fat” diet – (those seriously exist)…  I’m talking about eating right and exercising.

So I’m signing up for a 5K.  I don’t know where but I know it needs to be soon.  I’m using the Diabetes walk yesterday as my first day of training.  Pray for me.  Pray for my family.  I plan to blog each week – it makes me accountable.  Don’t let me go silent again.  My commitment to you is that by next Sunday (hope to make that my regular blogging day) I will have narrowed down some 5K’s and be ready to sign up for one.  I also plan to walk every day so if any of you are in New Castle and want to join me, let me know!  Can’t walk with me but you want to share in this journey?  Subscribe to this blog.  I hope it helps encourage somebody, somewhere along the way.  The Lord is walking me through this journey for a reason.

Ready….

Set…..

Go!

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7 thoughts on “Makes me want to puke…

  1. Have you ever tried weight watchers? Trina and Katelyn have done wonderful with it. Trina has kept her weight off and katelyn is doing real good. They also get to eat good food and don’t have to be hungry. Guess the draw back would be keeping up with the points. Know nothing about that , but Trina has loved it and goes to the mtgs even though she has met her goal. She also walks everyday. Good Luck!!
    t

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    1. I haven’t ever tried weight watchers but I’ve heard good things about it. The problem is we live pretty far out and childcare is always an issue. So I try to do things that I can take the kids with me and get them active, too. I also am returning to eating 6 meals a day. When I get hungry, I get in trouble. So proud of Trina and I can’t wait to see Katelyn again. Thanks for the encouragement Cindy! I love you!!

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  2. Tammy,
    I want to encourage you that you are beautiful inside and outside no matter your weight. However, I want you to lose weight so that the numbers that really matter will be good and that you will have a quality of life that comes with nutrition and exercise. The numbers on the scale are only a reflection of the other numbers such as Blood Sugar, Tri=Glycerides, Blood Pressure and of course can in time hurt all our organs.
    I have observed you from afar as a great servants for Christ, a wonderful loving wife and one of the most devoted Moms that I have met. You stay busy doing for others. Sometimes, I get tired just reading your posts. All of us want you healthy and love you for who you are not what you may conceive that you look like. You are a beautiful person, so start thinking of your changes as changes for health so that you may live a quality of life that will allow you to continue with all the things that you do. When we eat and exercise to be healthy and not worry what the scales say and tell Satan that he will not sabotage us, then there is an added blessing of a smaller size. But do not make that your focus and take it slowly.
    When you decide where and when the 5-K will be, I would like to join you to cheer you on, as well as get myself back to walking regularly.
    Remember and say to self often, “I can do all things through my wonderful Christ who gives me strength.” Love you sister and praying for you!

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