That Fat Girl

Tonight as I was preparing to play softball with our church softball team, I began to have flashbacks of that fat girl in elementary and middle schools that was always picked last.  And when I got forced onto someone’s team because I was the last person in line, I played pitifully.  Those flashbacks made me apprehensive about playing.  All the insecurities of that fat girl came flooding back.

I found out tonight that it’s not enough to change your body and lifestyle but you’ve got to change your mindset.  I was dressed in the most athletic thing I could find (a pair of 1 size too big denim capris and a red tank top) standing in my living room behind my kids on the couch watching Electric Company.  The characters on the screen were singing about taking chances, take a step forward and get in the game even if you are scared.  Wow – isn’t it cool how God can speak to us in any number of mediums?  As I stood there, I felt my confidence building.  Then my daughter, suddenly realizing I’m in the room, turns and says to me, “Mommy, you look absolutely magnificent losing so much weight!”  She came over and hugged me and told me I used to be so big and now I’m so little.  Thank you God for that little messenger giving me your message of encouragement.

Many of you have asked why I haven’t blogged the past 2 weeks.  It’s not that I’ve lost motivation or gained any weight.  We were out of town last week at the North American Christian Convention where I served as the Student Convention Photographer and had no time to write.  This week, I suffered a bout of the 24 hour flu.  And let me tell you, it was awful.  I went outside on a day when the heat index was 115 degrees in my sweat suit with my bathrobe on to warm up.  So the answer is – No, I’ve not gained any weight.  I’m still motivated, still working out and discovering great ways to change my diet to healthier choices.  I’m reading a great book by Tosca Reno that I highly suggest.  It’s a practical guide to eating clean and includes foods we actually will eat.

I weighed in this week at 160.0 – a loss of 2.4 more pounds.  That’s a total of 44.4 pounds lost since January 18, 2011.  🙂  I’m 10 pounds from my first goal of 150.  It’s amazing the new person I am becoming.  I’m more confident, more active, have tons more energy and a much more positive outlook on life.  Can’t wait to see what Goes does next!

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3 thoughts on “That Fat Girl

  1. Mental change is one of the first things you must do to change your lifestyle behavior and overcome past insecurities. I am a good person inside and out.

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  2. God does indeed work in mysterious ways! Congratulations on your continued loss and remember – we’re all working on HIS schedule, not ours so don’t fret when things slow down or don’t go exactly as you planned or wished or hoped. Sorry to hear you were ill but glad to see you back in action. Everyone needs a little downtime, some of us are just too stubborn to use it so it’s forced upon us in not so pleasant ways.

    Keep up the fantastic work and welcome to your new and improved life!

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  3. The mental thing is the hardest thing to overcome, in my opinion. On ‘good’ days I see the me as I am now. On ‘bad’ days, I see the me I was. 45lbs heavier than I am now. I’ve been 45lbs less for almost 6 years now (other than the baby weight 3.5 years ago). It’s a HARD thing to overcome. ESPECIALLY if you’re particularly hard on yourself. And I am particularly hard on myself. Give ‘that fat girl’ the credit she deserves! She’s trying.

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